Happy Birthday Katie!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATIE BUG!!!!

Today my sweet bug turned 3.  It is so hard to believe that 3 years have passed since she first arrived and was placed in my arms. 




Katie the day she was born.

 I still remember that day so vividly.  The details of this day and the days to come are forever etched in my mind.  The first moment I held you, I remember feeling such intense love and pride.  I helped to create you.  From the moment you were conceived, I prayed for you and asked God to bless me with your presence in my life.  For 8 months, I shared thoughts about you that only the two of us could share.  For 8 months, I nurtured, loved and protected you in a way that only moms can do.  For 8 months, you were mine alone.  For 8 months, you were being created exactly as God wanted you.  47 chromosomes would be a part of the rest of your life the Lord said, although I didn't know that at the time. 

Little did I know that on Easter Sunday, my world would be forever changed and that life would present itself in ways I never imagined from the day of your birth until the present day.  We would spend 6 weeks in the NICU.  The first few days were spent trying to understand what Down syndrome was and everything that would come with that diagnosis.  You were fragile, not eating and having trouble with oxygen levels and other things related to your heart.  Oh how my heart for you.  I remember feeling so many emotions.  Sadness, shock, grief, helplessness, love, joy and confusion  all wrapped into those days that followed your birth.  Still through all of that, I felt blessed.  Blessed that you were given to me.  Blessed to have you in my arms. 




Right after we arrived at Shands.  Katie  rode by ambulance, while we went home and packed.  This was right after we saw her again.


Why was this happening to us?  Why did I have to have 2 heart babies?  Why couldn't you be born with Down syndrome and no other issues?  Why did you have to have Down syndrome?  What was your future going to look like?  What about my future?  Why couldn't I just go home the day after like everyone else and love on my new baby?  What does Down syndrome mean?  On and on the questions went.  So many questions, so few answers or so I thought then.



I felt like such a prisoner to this new world with Down syndrome in it and obviously Katie was a prisoner in the NICU!

The days that followed started to stabilize out.  We started to find a rhythm to our days.  Still, I could hardly bear to leave Katie.  I didn't want her to not feel me there.  I came home to Valdosta for approximately 8 hours during her stay and that was only because I had to sign her up on my insurance at work.  Eventually, the last couple of weeks there, we were able to wake up and not have to rush to the hospital and stay until midnight.  We would venture out for something to eat outside of the hospital.  We would go to Target and shop the baby aisles.  We could go back to the Ronald McDonald house and not feel like we had to sleep in our clothes in case we needed to jump out and get back to the hospital stat.  Katie started growing a little more. 



We were finally allowed to go home and start being a normal family again!  As we went through the months, I saw Katie growing stronger as was I.  Her strength challenged me to do better and be better. 



Still on oxygen after coming home.



At five months, she would have heart surgery.

Enjoying the time before challenges would be faced again.

Blown up from the steroids, but they worked and after several months, the seizures were in remission.

Looking pretty despite not feeling well due to seizure meds and steroids.

Her 1st birthday soon followed and with that new milestones were reached.





Hitting milestones such as walking.

Celebrating her 2nd birthday!

An now we are here, another year later, celebrating her 3rd birthday!  It doesn't seem possible.  So much has happened in these 3 short years.  Things I never would have imagined possible 3 years ago.  My eyes have been open to beauty I did not know existed.  I am so thankful that God allowed and continues to allow me to be her mother.  I kiss her face and I am kissing a pure soul.  I look into her eyes and I see innocence.  I see her joy and I see the hands of God on her. 

I think back on the moments when she was first laid in my arms.  My eyes were filled with awe and tears then and to look at her now, my eyes are still filled with awe and tears.  She has come such a long way since those first shaky weeks.  She doesn't know what it means to give up.  When she falls, she gets right back up.  Every. Single. Time.  (one exception, the day she broke her leg :))  She doesn't know  any other way to live.  She doesn't see that people may take a second glance at her.  She doesn't know that the world is full of people who pick on people with her diagnosis because they aren't societies definition of normal.  She doesn't see that people will dismiss her because they think she is too slow to learn.  Despite everything, Katie keeps on pushing through it all.  She has done it on her time frame and will continue to with a lot of encouragement and love. 



Katie, mom loves you so very much.  You have filled my heart with a love beyond any words.  Every day is a blessing and I don't forget that because I have you to remind me of all that is good, beautiful and pure in this world.  Three years ago you entered my world and changed me forever.  I only hope that someday you can be proud of me and that you will know I tried my best everyday for you.  I will always fight for what is right for you. I have so many hopes and dreams for you.  You made one of mine come true the day you were born.  Happy Birthday my sweet bug.  Love you forever and ever.