J is for Journey: 31 for 21: Day 16

Have you ended up where you thought you would be or somewhere you never dreamed possible?  Maybe a little of both.  I definitely can remember the dreams of my childhood, teen years and twenties.  I even remember the dreams of where I was 5 years ago and where I wanted to be today.  The journey isn’t all rainbows and unicorns.  I can remember seeing a rainbow and firmly believing that if we could just get to the place it ended, there our pot of gold would sit, along with the Leprechaun  from Lucky Charms of course.  I didn’t dream of just things for myself though, I dreamed of making the world better.  I thought I would go out and be a missionary and build a village.  I dreamed that being a teacher would be my occupation until I had my 4 kids and stayed home, raising them the way I had seen June Cleaver raise her boys in Leave it to Beaver. 

The fact is, my journey to where I am right at this moment in my life has happened not according to my plan, but according to the Lord’s plan.  How many times have I asked him to do his will in my life and not beg him to let me do it my way?  Trust me, I have begged more than I have asked. Have many times have you been lost on your way somewhere?  And I am not just talking about being in a car screaming at your husband because he won’t stop and ask for directions either.  I remember growing up and loving when we would travel.  My dad had the books they gave you from AAA and it would have all these maps in it and they would highlight your route for you complete with detour information.  I use to read those maps like I was the one driving.  I couldn’t wait to follow the directions to get from point A to point B.  But alas, human error would intervene even during the best laid highlighted routes.  Think of where you are today, when did your life take a detour off the highlighted  map that you had planned out? 

Of course one such detour would be my daughter.  I never planned on hitting the detour of unknown roads and pit stops of which I wondered if I would ever get back in the car.  They didn’t tell me that my emotional tank would run on empty some days and that the car would stop and start with regular frequency.  The windows were foggy at times but I would squirt some Rain X on them and the rain would just bounce off like a shiny penny on a United States boot camp made bed!  My headlights burn brightly now as I know that the detour I took was one that brought me to a new place on the map—a place where it doesn’t matter what is highlighted, it’s a place to make new roads that Mapquest can detail for me later via my GPS.  My journey is over only when the Lord decides to call me home.  Until then, I look forward to the worn roads as well as the freshly paved ones. 

I have shared this poem before and it is one that you either hate or love.  I personally love it because it does describe a journey you want to take versus the one you end up having.

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.