31 for 21 day 2

I never hesitate to take a moment to talk about Down syndrome with others. I don't go around with a sign on my back saying my daughter has DS, but if I am talking to a stranger, I usually tell them about K's DS. I love the opportunity to tell them about DS. We will never be able to raise awareness if we keep quiet. Until I had Kaitlyn, I had never had an experience with a person who had DS. The only thing I knew about DS was that the kid who played on My So Called Life had DS. Of course I know his name now, but that was the extent of anything to do with DS. My thoughts are not on DS everyday. Kaitlyn is my daughter who happens to have DS. It is one aspect of her.

I was so confused that first day after I was told she might have DS. Everything that day happened in a whirlwind. I remember everyone being so upset and crying except for me. I felt like I couldn't cry because everyone else was crying and I had to be strong for them. I remember my friends praying with me that morning before we were transferred. I remember making calls to family and friends telling them what had happened. I started crying after I called my sister in law on the way to Shands. It was starting to hit me. The unknowns, the whys, the uncertainty of my daughter's life and how fragile she was. After we got to the hospital, I put my game face on. I had to be strong for my daughter, for my husband and son, for my parents and all my friends and family. There wasn't anytime to break down. We stayed at the hospital until after midnight that first night. Getting her stablized in the NICU, running test and meeting doctors. That is one nice thing in a teaching hospital. You get a test done and will pretty much get the results the same day with a doctor available at all times. So we went to bed that night with a suspected DS dx and a confirmed heart diagnosis. I remember being so upset that she had a heart defect like Blake! What are the chances? Why did I have 2 children with heart defects?

Of course I questioned God. I was told that we were given only what we could handle, that God knew what he was doing, that special people got special children. I think it is okay to question God. He has heard it all before. When I asked why, I then asked myself why not? What made me think that I could just get my life handed to me in just the way I wanted?

When I was asked during my pregnancy whether I wanted a boy or girl, I would just answer that it didn't matter as long as they were healthy. Well, my Katie has several major health conditions. Most people wouldn't say she is healthy. She is doing awesome and despite all of her health problems, she is doing exceptionally well healthwise. She is first and foremost loved beyond belief. Our God knows exactly what he is doing. I got a big dose of healthy in Katie. A healthy new love for life. A healthy dose of patience, kindness and seeing the good in people. A healthy dose of new friends who share a bond with me that I never knew exsisted until DS became a part of my life. A healthy dose of understanding that we are all God's children and that his love will see me through trials and triumphs. Healthy didn't come in the way I expected or when I expected it, but aren't those the best kinds of surprises?